Okay, so I had told you that I was going to conclude my multi-part series of things that are out to get me. This, evidentally, was a lie. Please forgive the dishonesty, but it has come to my attention there are still many, many more things in this world that tick me off. (Saran wrap still rates right up there as number one. I mean, seriously, I don't see how anyone has ever gotten it off the roll far enough to smother someone with it. [I guess Saran wrap should come with a child safety warning]) Which brings me to my next point:
Stupid labels.
I mean, for real. How come on the bottom of the Orange Juice carton, does it say "do not turn upside down"? I mean, every single time I read that, I'm just like, "What kind of sick, twisted person thought to do this?" And on the front of frozen dinners, it reads: "Serving suggestion: Heat before consuming" or something similar. No. I *like* frozen enchiladas that break your teeth when you bite them. I will *not* listen to your little "suggestion".
Also: Sears hairdryer: "Do not use near water." Hmm, my hair is wet. I can't use near water. I think I shall dry my already dried hair with it. *blink* On a superman costume for children: "Does not enable you to fly." And last but not least, on a 96 pack of Crayola crayons, I opened the top of the box, to read an audaciously persistent font informing me from the flaps hidden beneath the aforementioned top, "do not open this side." Seriously. Who even cares what side I open my box of crayons on? Will I somehow have less than satisfactory performance from my crayons if I open it on the side I choose to open it? Will the colors fade? Will black be white and green be orange? WHY BOTHER BEING SO STUPID WHEN THERE IS NO NEED TO BE?
...
you'll have to forgive me. I've gotten succesively less sleep each night that passes and I think it's catching up to me. Thank goodness my pillow doesn't say "do not use on mattress" or something. I'd never sleep again.
P.S. what is with the "not to be removed under penalty of law except by consumer" tags on mattresses? Since when am I consuming my mattress?
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How about the Windex warning to not spray in your eye...do they think we want a streak free shine on our contact lenses? (Not that I wear contacts, so that would likely be even more detrimental.) Or, the Arm & Hammer scoopable cat litter that proclaims that it is safe for use around pets...no...duh...really? Also, various sleep aids which warn that use may cause drowsiness...well...wouldn't that be a shame! And, the Christmas lights that are for indoor and outdoor use only...I don't know about you but I have a myriad of other options for placement that fall under neither of those categories...I always take Christmas lights along when I go spluenking or scuba diving. (Which could still be considered outdoors for the real stickler...) My matches caution me that I should take care for they are flammable. I should hope so. The fire logs we use for the fireplace also kindly let us know there is a risk of fire with use... I am very thankful for the various food products that let us know that for best results we should remove the cap or lid...oh...so that's how you get it out... I would list more, but I have to go listen to the radio in the shower, and then use my hairdryer while sleeping, no wait...I should use my shower cap which handily reminds me that it fits one head...too bad for my spare... I'll see you guys later! :)
ReplyDeleteMB that is the funniest thing I have ever read in my life!! I love you!!!
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