Another Day, Another Dollar

The cruel institution I am talking about today is not really one that afflicts solely myself, but rather haunts mankind as a whole. In this 100% Geneva-approved, yet still agonizing chamber, the fires of waste are always burning with a green-hued sort of legality. Dollars incinerate into ash and smoke. Another paycheck is used to refill the Kleenex box. And all our hard-earned dimes fill the rattles of young hooligans destined to become lawyers and politicians.

It may sound like I am describing the average American's private idea of the underworld, but for our uses here it has been conveniently abbreviated the IRS... in other words, the "Infernal" Revenue Service.

I can't even pretend I know the full extent of the horrors our money is consumed by. I'm sure I could look it up somewhere, but that would probably cause me severe fits of indigestion and disrupt my overall psychophysiological homeostasis. (I'll be darned if I don't get taxed for those last two words there) I have heard it goes to our roads, pays government employees and funds our school systems. But that is all heresay.

At 14 I began life as another workaholic American, who enjoyed feeling useful and not running to her parents for all her financial needs. However, I was quickly running to my father all the same, demanding to know WHY this 67 cents was deducted from my first paycheck and WHERE was it going and can they TAKE YOUR MONEY before you're 18?! It's called Federal Taxes, to the government, and yes, they'll tax anyone, he told me. (Of course I thought this was all complete rubbish)
However, at the beginning of the next year, I was sent my first refund check. I must have sat around for days trying to decide how to best spite the government with it.

Finally, I couldn't come up with any business that wouldn't be paying taxes from my money right back to the government, and I think I spent it on make-up...
In the end, the moral of this story is: it's not always bad having a minimum wage job. At least you're donating less tissues for the IRS agents to wipe their noses on.