Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Thoughts Divided

[And I would like to know how it's possible that you are the source of my pain... yet I don't want to live a life without you]

(I am tripping between lines, behind words, over schedules and under feet. I can't see past my shoulder or beyond my line of vision which is limited by time. Every day a new reminder of something I forgot... another taste of another bitter root and I am coughing, gagging up the remainders of another not-quite-A... just want it to go away)

{I smile because the moments inside of frozen window-esque picture frames are lovely on the walls of my thoughts... we spend too much money, eat too much junk food, but man, it feels good not to be alone}

{(When consequently I miss you... because while I am stumbling through a field of paperwork and miscalculations you are somewhere opposite me.... but I can't reach over the stacks of miles and lost time to get you... sometimes the file folders fall away to reveal us sitting next to each other laughing... but mostly leave us wandering amongst those we wander with)}

[{(And do I talk about him too much when I talk to you????)}]

[and I feel so scared of this, of you, of not knowing and always wondering... I know it's not any easier for you but somehow I feel it is... I think I wanna talk about it... but we both know if it's never said, it's like we never happened... and then it doesn't matter what the dice reveals....]

(and I know I have so much to do [but I'd rather talk to you] {(and it's so hard not to cry}))

{we almost both lost it today but we're still holding on}



- e=mc but only 1

and if you can find the method to this madness then you will get a dedicated blog post :)





1 comment:

  1. haven't i already gotten a couple? <2.

    sometimes the hardest words are the ones we don't say, they're laying on our tongues between who we are and who we want to be, the way we used to be, before the Fall. We walked with Adam in the summer, through a haze of summer hair and dusty sidewalks. Was it a sign when we tried to pick the splinters out of each other's eyes? We are here still waiting on someone to teach us the right way, but I want you to believe me when I say that as far as the Me of Us is concerned, you are still as dear as the moment we first met each other's souls.

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