Sunday, April 5, 2009

The Reason

The sun shines through dusty windows, making light-beam dancefloors for specks of old skin who are talking and mingling to a song for the deaf. Outside a thousand crickets are calling to each other like the way we used to do- across concrete, over side walks, behind the old buildings and over skateboard inflicted wounds. I got a new sketch pad for my birthday (actually I got four) and I remembered that I am still loved even though I thought love was dead. Lethargic yawn stretching into another nap and the 100 Greatest Rock Songs (numbers 81-60) are whining in the background. I think Slash looks pretty good for his age and find myself briefly wondering what kind of shampoo he uses.
I think about a lot of things when I think about days that feel like summer. I think about a lot of people I have known and places I have been- mostly nouns but the occasional verb I guess, and all the adjectives you crave. Am I really more than just a blue-eyed metaphor or was the song written for me? Sometimes I'm pretty sure everyone knows who I am but me. How weird is that? I know that when the night falls and the stars are standing aloof and silent, too good for this fallen earth with our broken lives and the brevity of everything, that I want to be there with them but I am only skin and memories instead of hydrogen suspended dust.
I look at you sitting beside me, my best friend, who so delicately reminded me that I need to update my blog. I don't know how it's so easy for you. Once I ran out of things to complain about and had to start being honest, it's like walking on pins and needles to update. I don't want to bore the world with a littany of what I have done in a day but I don't want anyone to read my thoughts. My thoughts and feelings are the only thing that keep me sheltered from the rest of the world. No matter what people do, they can never take away the deep-seeded wonderings and ramblings I possess about life, the universe and everything. I can tell them my life story, but as long as they can't follow my logic I know I will always be safe.
So perhaps I am just a coward. Perhaps I'm just jaded. Maybe someday people will think of me as a young Charles Dickens, but that might be pushing it a bit. Whatever the case, all I know is that no matter how much the world scares me sometimes, I am happy to be sitting here with you, pretending I'm not afraid and knowing that my thoughts are safer with you than myself.
And that's the reason I love you.

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