Stairway to Heaven (These Steps Are Trying to Kill Me!)

It is a well-known fact of life that Gravity and the Stairs have long been conspiring together against the innocent and clumsy. However, it has only been in more recent years that they picked their latest target: me. (This is probably due largely to the fact that I grew up in a one-story home)

Long had I lived a relatively normal life, when around the age of 12 gravity began to notice me. Unfortunately, "notice me" is used in this case as a euphemism for "began trying to slowly kill me". With much thanks to Gravity, I am forced to admit that I am completely incapable of safely walking down- or UP- stairs.

While it is true that three of my falls can be attributed to a rather slick-soled pair of shoes that I owned at the time, the rest were all due to Gravity- Gravity and his cruelest of accomplices. On one particular incident, (when the aforementioned shoes were safely in the closet) I was innocently walking down my best friend's stairs. Alas, far more diabolical plans had been set in motion for my descent. 

A mere three steps from my destination, I happened to look up back over my shoulder. Apparently, gravity had caused some unknown object to fall and surprise me with a "bang!". While this cruel little trick diverted my attention, the Stairs seem to shrink six inches. I moved my foot to step down, only to find the stair was not where it had been before. I tumbled down the last steps, hurting my pride and spraining my ankle. Now three steps may not seem like too many, that is until you fall down them. 

So many other similar incidents have occurred I find it pointless to even mention them. By this point, you may believe I have pretty efficiently lumped together all of the forces in this world that are out to get me. But you would be very wrong my friend. We are far from done.