Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Does Whatever a Spider Can (Like Scaring the Daylights Out of My Sister and Me)

In my previous posts I have mentioned two of my arch enemies: Gravity and the Stairs. Today I will be moving on to a group of creatures so vile, I hesitate even to call them "creatures". No. No living thing could be so evil as this all-encompassing entity that is known as: the Spider.

Spiders and I have been on ill-terms since I was a young child. When one would creep across my floor, the situation usually resulted with me screaming at the top of my lungs, and some weary family member dragging themselves in to kill it. I am not quite sure why I am so repulsed by spiders. Actually, I am pretty compassionate to most living things. If a spider is outside and away from my house I feel no pressing urge to kill it. However, once it crosses the steps to my house, it is on my turf. And it is my prey.

One instance in which a spider inched into my life was when my equally arachnaphobic sister Rose (is arachnaphobic a word? Spell check says no... well it should be)and I had the house to ourselves for a week. While our parents were chilling out in the Bahamas, they left us to the task of our lives.

Rose was about to get in the shower when she spotted one of the fiends sitting on the edge of the tile towards the ceiling. She shrieked, and I intrinsically knew. (How come they always like to hide in the shower and scare you?) I dashed to the door, knocked and asked rather rhetorically, "Are you okay?" "SPIDER!!" she cried and I ran to find a fly swatter.

When I returned, she had opened the bathroom door and was standing in a yellow fuzzy towel, staring at the spider in abject horror. "It's too high!" She protested, waving the pink swatter around manically. I stammered a moment before yelling, "Here!" and then shoved a can of Lysol (conveniently located under the sink) into her waiting hand. "Are you sure I should use this?" "Why not?!" I demanded. "Maybe it'll just grow it eight times its size!" "It'll work- JUST SPRAY IT!!"

The aerosol leaving the can hissed loudly, and was followed by a pungent mist which filled the air. As the death cloud descdended upon the spider, its legs branched out like an exploding koosh ball. Scuttling down the shower, instead of dying as it ought, my sister and I let loose a unison screech of horror... only to begin coughing and nearly retching on the Lysol mist still hanging in the air. Rose didn't even have time to rub in the fact that I was incorrect about Lysol killing spiders.

"DROWN IT!" I hacked, "DROWN IT!" One hand over mouth, Rose leaned forward and turned the faucet on, full blast, with the free hand. Within moments, the spider had slipped down the drain to his fate. We looked at each and laughed nervously before spending the next three days wearing a perpetually suspicious glance towards the shower.

To this day we still wonder if a mutant spider dwells somewhere in our septic system.